Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
