I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
