Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
