Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
