His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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