I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
