Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
