Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
