Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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