Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
