I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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