Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
