He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How does it feel to date your dad?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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