He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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