I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
