found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
