The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
