oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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