Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
