It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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