Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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