the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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