Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
