i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
