drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
