i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
