I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
