your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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