ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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