I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
