Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
