Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
