Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
