There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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