Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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