also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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