I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
