Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
