Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
