why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
