Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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