I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
