i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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