I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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