Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
