He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
