There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
