A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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