The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
