Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
